Friday, April 13, 2012

Older & Far Away

Yesterday was my 33rd birthday. It was a lovely day, started off sunny and sweetly bright, turned gray and breezy, and ended with some pretty spectacular thunderstorms. I did absolutely nothing I didn't want to do, had a cupcake, and worked on some projects. Tonight I'll go see a movie and tomorrow, swarms of jellyfish.

33 is one of those weird, not significant numbers, that still marks the inevitable passage of time. The older I get the more thoughtful birthdays make me, while simultaneously making me seek out silly ways of celebrating that are the opposite of adult. I'm not a childish person by nature, but I emphatically believe that growing up is not the rote, pre-packaged idea we're kind of force fed. I can be a functioning, contributing adult who is responsible and sensible...and still enjoy the hell out of lots of goofy, not to mention geeky, activities. Life is too short to waste it trying to conform to other people's ideas of what's appropriate. If I want to build something with Lego's or make an octopus pin and wear it, I will.

Granted, I'm prone to plenty of existential dread. I have no idea why I'm here and even less of an idea of how long my life will be, or what happens after. That's scary, of course, but it's also motivating. My life has the meaning I give it and I don't want to regret more than I accomplish. Sometimes I think the fear of death is less about not existing anymore and more about the terror of it never mattering that you existed at all.

And on that happy note, I shall leave this post by acknowledging the pictures at top of myself at 33. I like to document each year this way so that, for one day, I just take a pic and don't judge and have a record. I was here and looked like this and occupied this space. And I was occasionally silly while doing so.

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