3. All "guides" about things like making your baby sleep on their back, perfectly flat, only apply to ideal babies who don't have reflux or care about being close to you. I'm going to tell you right now that your baby will probably have reflux and want to be near you because most of them do. Adjust accordingly.
4. Your home will become a wasteland of baby paraphrenalia used and unused like some kind of infant version of Mad Max. Mostly it will be unused things you thought you "must" have but your kid hates with a fiery passion. Like, for instance, the bassinet.
5. Baby poop comes out at roughly the same velocity as a rocket shooting for the moon. It's pretty funny even when it's shooting at you.
6. After feedings babies get milk drunk. It's awesome.
6. Get a pediatrician you can call with all your stupid questions because you will have them and it's okay and they will make you feel better instead of stupid.
7. What's more terrifying than how much you love your kid is how much they need you and the sense of responsibility you now have for this tiny life. It can sometimes be paralyzing but you get through it and only check that they're breathing every 5 min instead of every 2.
8. Babies are pretty cute but they also make faces like Dick Tracy villains and it's pretty fucking weird.
9. Make TV playlists of shows you can watch during 2am feedings so that you don't nod off on your baby. I recommend Community because it's A. awesome and B. the perfect length for keeping up a baby with reflux after a feeding so they don't yak everything back up.
10. Seriously, take care of yourself or you'll be useless to your kid. It's okay to put them down sometimes. Really.
11. I suspect in another 6 weeks I will have a new set of revelations because none of us know what we're doing. PARENTING.